Let’s just stop already! Why is everyone expected to be perfect all the time?!
I’ve struggled with this my whole life. The thought that I had to be perfect at everything I did. It was expected of me growing up as the oldest child. (Be more mature, so my little brother would have a good example to follow, make good grades, stay out of trouble, do my chores)
I didn’t want to disappoint anybody. It was something ingrained in me growing up and everyone expected me to be this super star.
As I got older, I put this expectation on myself. And believe me I had very high expectations. We are our worst critics and I took it to the extreme. (OCD!!) I would obsess over every little conversation that was had throughout the day and tear it apart on how it could have been better and why didn’t I say it a certain way, etc.
When I needed to coach an employee, I was up all night for several nights crafting all the right words to say ahead of time. Thinking about how it might work out, what they would say, what I would say, all the different scenarios would play in my head.
I was completely out of my mind with this obsessive expectation of myself, which caused alot of stress and anxiety over the years. And I’m telling you this because I know you’ve heard the slogan “Don’t sweat the small stuff” It’s really true.
You can’t be perfect at everything. You don’t have to know everything, or except every favor that someone asks of you. And it’s also NOT Important that everyone likes you. That was a hard one to swallow for me. It’s impossible to please everyone and I feel like the sooner you understand this fact the better off you will be in the long run.
Don’t get me wrong, of course you want to be liked by the majority of the people you are around. Or maybe you want to get that promotion because you’ve stood out over the rest. And you can still do these things without all the stress and anxiety.
You have to pick your battles within yourself. It’s taken me a long time to get to the point where I am now, where I’m comfortable and confident in what I do, how I do it and the perception of myself from others.
Now when I’m in a situation where I feel the stress coming on, I ask myself a few questions.
- Will this matter in 6 months? If it’s not going to matter in 6 months, is it worth stressing out right now over it and maybe causing other issues as a result?
- What is the opportunity to gain out of this situation? Is the opportunity from the situation positive? Maybe if you are dealing with an employee conflict, the opportunity would be a more engaged team after the coaching the one individual because, if you see it they see it too. (Remember: One bad apple, poisons them all)
- How will this impact the end result of the project or team goals, etc? – For a project you may get faster implementation if you solve whatever the situation is up front and as quick as possible. Or you have a lessons learned for next time.
For team goals, or anything involving the team activity, they will respect you more as a leader if you handle these difficult conversations. Individuals for the most part, don’t want to rat each other out, so when a leader is observant and takes initaitive to resolve things, it makes a huge impact on morale.
I say all of this, because what I’ve learned from my years of stressing out, is that it’s not worth your health and wellbeing to stress out trying to be perfect.
No one is perfect and it’s an impossible goal.
Just be yourself, Be Real, things usually have a way of working out.
Check out my YouTube video on this topic by clicking here.
